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How to Productively Spend Four 1/2 Hours on a Slow-Moving River

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The Flamingo Family and the Smith Family spent an afternoon of our North Carolina vacation on the French Broad River in Asheville.  Heidi-Ho researched tubing companies last summer and found Zen Tubing, a company that shuttles you up the river 4 miles and then lets you float back down to your car.  They rent you tubes with seats and backrests, as well as cooler tubes.  You can choose from 2 locations, one in Midtown and one in South Asheville.  We picked Midtown because Zen’s website called it “More Groovy” and promised a float through Asheville’s “unique river arts district.”  And you know how sophisticated Heidi-Ho and I are — any marketing that basically implies the involvement of a giant metal rooster sucks us in every time.

We waited to take our tubing trip until Flamingo Joe joined us on Friday because we wanted him to have a true Asheville experience and NOT because we knew we’d need help carrying the cooler, wrangling kid tubes, and pulling us all down the river in the slow spots.  We only realized how great it was to have him along whenever Kate jumped off her tube after begging Heidi-Ho for five minutes to let her, only for her to quickly realize she couldn’t get back onto the tube with someone’s (i.e., Joe’s) assistance.

When we arrived at the Midtown location, the employee told us that because there had not been a lot of rain, the average float time down the river was four hours.  I wondered what on earth could we do on a river for four hours.  I turned to look at Flamingo Joe, who cocked his head only slightly while a vacant look came over his face as he thought about Four Hours on a slow-moving river with two women and four children.

Four. Hours.  

But it was fine . . . once Flamingo Joe hoisted Ben, Kate, and Mace (all of whom looked slightly panicked) onto their tubes and we headed out.  True, there was some awkward tension once the children realized that instead of talking via Skype or video game chat they’d actually have to talk to one another face to face; but we all looked downriver with high expectations of adventure . . . slow-moving though the adventure might be.

It’s an odd thing, really, not having iPads, cell phones, laptops, or in my case, even a book to fill up four hours of “leisure time.”  Only people — we only had people with which to fill four hours.  But we managed to spend our (what turned out to be) four and a half hours on the river productively.  We not only got stuff done, people, we accomplished big things.  Important things.

So if you find yourself on a slow-moving river in an inner tube, here are some ways to entertain yourself achieve greatness:

1. You can contemplate stuff.

Contemplating Stuff

2. You can sleep.

Sleeping

3.  You can see how far 6 tubes tethered together can stretch.

Tubes Stretched Across River

4. You can teach your children new life skills.

Teach you to spit

. . . and possibly be surprised at what they already know . . .

Spitting

5. You can chase trash.

DSC06315

Reaching a water bottle four feet away when tethered to six other tubes is harder than it looks.

6. You can spoil movie plots for your friends.

Spoil Movie Endings

7. And last but not least . . . you can create synchronized tubing routines.

Create Synchronized Tubing

I was so good at synchronized tubing, I could do the routine in my sleep.

May you all be so productive the next time you’re on the river.

The post How to Productively Spend Four 1/2 Hours on a Slow-Moving River appeared first on Frolicking Flamingo.


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